Home From Zenkaikon

 I was away at Zenkaikon, an anime convention, for 4 days (I came home on Monday) and these are my most current thoughts since.

Original Picture by Eirian-stock

Ever since I came home from Zenkaikon, a lot of different things became apparent to me. I just need to change. Change out of this old stuff that I've been holding on to for so long and stop thinking that my choices will fuck me over in the long run. I want to speak about the truth that I know for sure, something that I really hold dear to me, and that is following your dreams. Be passionate about what you want to do and do it no matter if someone is watching or not. Travel and see the world, find something different to explore and enjoy every moment. Life is not hard, but we make it that way when we choose things that we really don't need or want. When I started FYIC readings and card readings in general I wanted a quick source of income. Even though I didn't make a ton of money by any means, it gave me money to support myself and showed how my focus and dedication does work wonders. But it also showed how much I tried to work and cater to others more than myself at the end of the day. The blog content, the reading sales, the twitter and all of that was so more people can actually find me and hopefully buy from me. I do love what I do in essence, but being honest with myself, I just wanted to find a way to support myself without hating my job. FYIC readings did do that for me for a while till I started to really notice that I loved doing whatever I was doing rather than reading for people. Even though it would be fun, interesting and exciting, I would always look forward to doing something else.

This isn't a bad thing, but it really shows that my heart and passion isn't in giving people spiritual guidance. I don't want to give people guidance. I don't want to be apart of the spiritual community like I used to be, I don't want to teach people all the rules and ways of the universe. I want to teach people to follow their dreams. That is what matters to me and that is what I feel makes the world go round. I want to do things purely for myself and what I find passion in. And following your dreams is it. It just fills me with glee thinking about it. Nothing else to me matters but doing what I want at this point in life. I'm not trying to do things for other people and I surely don't want to speak about dreams for others. I want to speak about it because I am passionate about it. That's as simple as it gets.

 I want to talk because I want too. Not for money, popularity, frame, or some type of outside gain. I want to do this because I want too and I so love to do it. That is what matters to me. Everything else as far as spiritual guidance from whatever source doesn't matter to me anymore in the way it used to. I don't need it, and I surely don't want to talk about it like I thought I wanted to. I'll give that torch to so many others that love what they do in that arena.

Me, myself want to talk about dreams and how wonderful it is to have and follow them. The many gifts it shows us and the many wonderful things that stems from dreams when we do follow them. That is everything to me and I love how my own spiritual nature adheres to that ideal that I love so much. I've truly been putting my spiritual gifts in the wrong area, for the wrong reasons and for the wrong people.

I want to put up my hat and jacket in this area of my life and start anew, with something I really want. To focus on me only and no one else because people don't give me passion like dreams do and talking about them. I'm going to be the most selfish I think I've ever been and say that I refuse to cater to anyone outside myself in my endeavors from now on, especially people on the internet. It will be quite the change of pace but I can do it. Whatever extra that comes from doing what I want, will be just that, extra.