My Golden Rules for Spirituality Part 1

With throwing away some old ideals and mindsets with the spirituality community, I feel a lot more free to be who I am. The parts of me that fought and struggled for control and perfection are finally settling down, because they both know they're perfect as they are. Due to the internal struggle I felt like I was cut in half, into the more "pure and enlighten" side as well as the more "dark and rustic" side. However, having these two energies finally met in the middle was the best thing I could ever gotten out of this. Where that clear light and dark turned into many rays of light, making it quite a beautiful show!

With these two energies free to act as they will I felt that I needed to establish some new and timeless rules for myself. Rules that I was afraid of,  hesitate to follow and actively pursue in fears of rejection. Now, however, I'm becoming a whole new me finally deciding what truly works for me and throwing out the rest. No more "what this person or expert" said, I'm deciding what I know is right for me and what feels good.

Since my list and explanations were so long I'm breaking this post into parts, this post being the first one. So without further ado, here is my personal new rules for spirituality!

1. I have to serve myself, not the world

For years I've read that we chose to come here to serve the world and make it a better place. I also heard it personally in that amount of time from my guides, angels and sometimes myself. However, me being wrapped up in only that made me lost sight of who I truly needed to serve first, myself. Because of that, I struggled for years to be this perfect divine light worker healer to serve and save the world. Even though mainstream spirituality (as did I) preach the fact that we came here to this super awesome special mission to help enlighten the world, I'm changing that in my life. I came here to serve and better myself for myself. I'm not making the fact that if I don't drop everything to solely serve the world, I'm being less of a light worker or a person that wants to see this world prosper. If I'm not happy in my own life I have to tend to that, not the world's suffering.

2. The ego is the greatest part of being human (RANT ALERT)

And I love every drop of it. In too many books have I read that the ego was the source of human suffering, our inferior desires for material gain, wealth, our negative emotions, negative experiences and so many other things that goes wrong in life. When I first read about it many years ago, I was pretty put off naturally. I felt rather offended that some yahoo had the nerve to say that my personality was somehow inherently bad. And that if I don't transcend beyond it and it's earthy desires, I'm doomed to have a shitty life. FLAT OUT BULLSHIT.

To me, blaming the ego for an individual's or the world's suffering is like calling a baby demonic because it shits on itself. Bad things happen, it's apart of life. You learn, get better and do better. Hiding away via spirituality on cloud nine pretending that anything less than feeling compassion and forgiveness is apart of this evil force of the soul, only makes you that much unwilling to learn about life.

More over, it's giving too many people excuses for their own downfalls when everyone is hopping on this spiritual bandwagon. The ego isn't some outside force that wants to see you fail. If you're feeling bad, feeling like you're attracting bad stuff, that isn't the ego that's fucking you up, IT'S YOU, YOU ARE THE EGO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS. Stop blaming your downfalls on this imaginary ego concept, seriously.

The ego is the part of us that makes us human. It makes us feel, see, hear, touch and taste the world we chose to be in. It gives us that spark of life and it's the vehicle that makes living possible. What you think is the ego is just your past hang ups, regrets, frustrations and negative emotions, the kicker is those are gifts. If you decide to face and sort them out you'll find more of yourself as well as more self love.

I've been on the fence with spirituality's definition of the ego for years, and it only made me feel inferior for wanting the things I want. Thus causing me to slow down or halt my success and blossoming as a person within this world, rather than outside of it. Coming to the place where I completely allow myself to want and go after material things only made my life greater. I don't feel bad or impure about being human, so that is a vital rule I'm now fully integrating into my life.

3. Wanting material gain is something I shouldn't be ashamed of

Again, this falls into the whole "ego" concept.

4. Listen to no person, expert, guru or channeled entity if it doesn't resonate

For years I've been following all kinds of spiritual people and entities on my journey. They all had something different to bring and each of them were unique. However, more often than not, I wouldn't resonate with them fully, or something they feel strongly about puts me off or I feel indifferent to. Because of this, I had to learn that I should only follow people I truly resonate with. Since I naturally absorb whatever I'm around, no matter the source (like books, TV, audio) it would clash with my natural beliefs. Thus, causing me to push and pull between what was spirituality "right" and what was "wrong."  

Right now, I basically cleaned out all of my social networks of all the spiritual people I followed, and even more so the experts. That only gave me a lot more breathing room to be and follow my own guidance without interference which is vital.

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I hope you all enjoyed my list and even my rant haha! With that being said, are there specific rules for spirituality that you made for yourself? Do you think it helps you on your journey? If so, I would love to hear about it!

♥♥♥ Inner Child, The Divine Whisperer ♥♥♥

Leaving the Spiritual Community

I finally decided to leave the spiritual community as a whole. It's been almost 3 weeks since I made my decision and I finally feel like I can openly tell people about it.

Long ago I should of accepted myself as someone completely different than any group I could identify with. I realized that my unique take on spirituality, because I am still spiritual and I love spirituality on it's own, is a true gift and not an impurity of the soul. I have to accept and start being my own true god, goddess and guru without feeling guilty that I'm somehow breaking the spirituality rules.

To be honest I feel like I've been sheltered for years by spirituality and I've been cutting myself short by not wanting to seem too different from the mainstream spiritual community. It left me with a really fragmented life and a life where I wasn't being all of who I am. I struggled hard to "make it" and make a name for myself as an angel card reader but that alone has gotten old for a long time.

My beliefs in spiritually is much different than what I was reading, listening and watching for years.

I don't feel that the ego is bad, in fact I feel that is the furthest thing from the truth. I don't think we should "transcend life" while cursing the material world and all it has to offer. And one of the biggest things I came to realize for myself is that I loath the ideal that we came here to purely serve the world and not ourselves. Even though I hear about loving yourself quite a bit in new age information, for some reason it always boils down to bettering yourself to better the world. I'm sure I even said the same basic thing. I love to help people, but giving up my life and desires in hopes that my sacrifice will make the world a better place is too much.

Being in the spiritual community was a huge thing in my life. It was something that happened every single day for a decade if not more. However, it simply grew out of control, I was too ingrained and influenced by what the next person said, even if I didn't resonate with it. Spirituality as well as my career in it took up way to much of my time, and slowly over the years some vital parts of myself got left in the dust.

Spirituality is great but it won't make me or give me happiness. In fact, nothing will give me happiness but me, by being my own self. Even the parts of myself that seem nonspiritual, impure or even bad through the eyes of some extreme spiritualists. But I have to remember, the universe doesn't care what I do, in fact it wants me to be all that I am. It says that if I want it than I can have it. That includes material and earthy wants and desires. It's people's opinions that made me hesitant for so long, and quite frankly those opinions mean jack shit. 

There is so much more I can explain but I'll leave it at that. With everything being said, I'm still spiritual and will talk about spirituality, the difference being it'll be my own spirituality. I also feel that there is nothing wrong with spirituality or the community on it's own. I've met so many wonderful people during my journey; my dislikes with the spiritual community were 10 years in the making, so there is no single person I'm referring too. Just general lack luster things I've been seeing over and over.

That and I've honestly grown way out of it and need to set my own course from here on. My store will still be up and this blog will only grow into something I truly love. I'm excited with this new change and I'm sure you'll love the new changes too.

Till next time,

Inner Child, The Divine Whisperer

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Home From Zenkaikon

 I was away at Zenkaikon, an anime convention, for 4 days (I came home on Monday) and these are my most current thoughts since.

Original Picture by Eirian-stock

Ever since I came home from Zenkaikon, a lot of different things became apparent to me. I just need to change. Change out of this old stuff that I've been holding on to for so long and stop thinking that my choices will fuck me over in the long run. I want to speak about the truth that I know for sure, something that I really hold dear to me, and that is following your dreams. Be passionate about what you want to do and do it no matter if someone is watching or not. Travel and see the world, find something different to explore and enjoy every moment. Life is not hard, but we make it that way when we choose things that we really don't need or want. When I started FYIC readings and card readings in general I wanted a quick source of income. Even though I didn't make a ton of money by any means, it gave me money to support myself and showed how my focus and dedication does work wonders. But it also showed how much I tried to work and cater to others more than myself at the end of the day. The blog content, the reading sales, the twitter and all of that was so more people can actually find me and hopefully buy from me. I do love what I do in essence, but being honest with myself, I just wanted to find a way to support myself without hating my job. FYIC readings did do that for me for a while till I started to really notice that I loved doing whatever I was doing rather than reading for people. Even though it would be fun, interesting and exciting, I would always look forward to doing something else.

This isn't a bad thing, but it really shows that my heart and passion isn't in giving people spiritual guidance. I don't want to give people guidance. I don't want to be apart of the spiritual community like I used to be, I don't want to teach people all the rules and ways of the universe. I want to teach people to follow their dreams. That is what matters to me and that is what I feel makes the world go round. I want to do things purely for myself and what I find passion in. And following your dreams is it. It just fills me with glee thinking about it. Nothing else to me matters but doing what I want at this point in life. I'm not trying to do things for other people and I surely don't want to speak about dreams for others. I want to speak about it because I am passionate about it. That's as simple as it gets.

 I want to talk because I want too. Not for money, popularity, frame, or some type of outside gain. I want to do this because I want too and I so love to do it. That is what matters to me. Everything else as far as spiritual guidance from whatever source doesn't matter to me anymore in the way it used to. I don't need it, and I surely don't want to talk about it like I thought I wanted to. I'll give that torch to so many others that love what they do in that arena.

Me, myself want to talk about dreams and how wonderful it is to have and follow them. The many gifts it shows us and the many wonderful things that stems from dreams when we do follow them. That is everything to me and I love how my own spiritual nature adheres to that ideal that I love so much. I've truly been putting my spiritual gifts in the wrong area, for the wrong reasons and for the wrong people.

I want to put up my hat and jacket in this area of my life and start anew, with something I really want. To focus on me only and no one else because people don't give me passion like dreams do and talking about them. I'm going to be the most selfish I think I've ever been and say that I refuse to cater to anyone outside myself in my endeavors from now on, especially people on the internet. It will be quite the change of pace but I can do it. Whatever extra that comes from doing what I want, will be just that, extra.

My First Ever Vlog!

Here I talk about the book The Magic that I just got today in the mail! I also talk about my changing spiritual path and where this book fits in my new mind set.

January 14-20 reading

This week is about going back to the path of your dreams and realizing that you have more power than you think. Use that power to do whatever it is that you want to do because if you don't, you'll stay in the 1% of what the world is really like. Stop listening to reality and start going down your own road.

When An Angel Hides Its Wings: How I learned To Trust Myself

 

Since summer my confidence had dropped considerably, the way I viewed the world got darker and the mistrust in myself soared to a whole new height. I was starting to believe that life was nothing more than one big struggle and that no matter how hard I tired, I would never get to where I truly wanted in life.

However, in an awesome line of events, mostly the mermaids nudging me to revive old childhood passions did not only gave birth to my new dream, but spawned an entirely new me. Going down that road, I learned my even deeper struggles and unconscious processes. Why I always set myself up for failure and why I was so content on living a life of mediocrity. Why I've always deep down inside never considered myself good enough. Which fueled my drive to overhaul myself towards perfection by society's standards. Why it was so hard to put my all into something without thinking it would fail miserably.  

To put it simply, I let the world tell me who I was from an early age. I was bullied a lot because of who I am and the sound of my voice, as ridiculous as it sounds. And all that torment, negative feelings and experiences I never really worked on poisoned my mind on such a deep level. For months I've been trying to throw out the negative and limiting beliefs but only up till a month or so ago was I able to hit this nasty core. My anger towards these monstrous class mates over the years and me being truly sick of not being good enough for something better made me rocket power towards full self love. I was PISSED that I let myself think that I wasn't good enough for better clothes, home, relationships and just life itself. I was so angry that I laid sleeping in this horrid nightmare, unable to realize what I was doing till I was knee deep in the shit. It was a powerful feeling, a feeling that I couldn't have been more thankful for. 

In that hiatus, I knew that this was the very thing I've been waiting for. Before then, I felt this "last step" I had to go on in this old phase of my life. That person I was meant to be was there and I was just one step behind. If I was able to go it alone and to met her there, my world would change and it did. I was able to reshape everything I thought I knew about myself, and came to terms that I was beautiful, great, radiant and awesome since the day I was born. That no matter what weight I was, how I looked, sound or did, I was MORE than good enough, I was perfect the way I was. I let people determined who I was and because of that I hid my radiance from the world. I hid my own wings so that even I couldn't see them. So for many years I felt like I was just human, even in the face of an angel telling me how great I was. I was too afraid to come out of my "human" box. I was too afraid to stand out in fear that people will look down upon me. I didn't want to go too far in my opinions in fear that I will offend others. I let everyone else truly shape me into a lesser, far more inferior me and I'm deciding to throw that bastard out. I'll still have my issues, but I won't be controlled by them or how people perceive me. I'm going to bring my all everyday even if no one notices.

Another major factor in finding that true trust in myself was realizing that I didn't fully trust myself. I would only go 50%-90% most times. Even though I got better on "trusting" in general, trusting myself was one of the major problems I had. It was one of the major reasons why I failed in my more important goals in life. That was a total life changer. Once I knew about this, thanks to Archangel Michael, I was able to really change things around about myself.

Because I didn't trust myself, I had low expectations about things. Those low expectations manifested in not finishing projects and not seeing the results I wanted. Which ultimately lead to me feeling highly frustrated about life and how things just didn't work for me. Which lead me to subconsciously want help from guru's that spoke good enough game even though I was resistant. I wanted someone to give me a process that worked, so that I could stop struggling with myself. But that internal struggling came from me not trusting myself, so once I DID I had no need to have those people in my life. In fact I unsubscribed, unfollowed and deleted the very people that I idolized negatively. I felt kind of bad doing it but now (a few weeks since) I haven't thought about them at all!

In the height of that, learning about my new dream, having this new perspective on things and finally willing to put all the effort I needed to get there, I made my first vision board. I wanted to see, read and embody the very things I knew I could get out of life. That no matter what or who says what, I can live the life I was meant to live. That I wasn't bound to the struggles, negativity and ruined people in this city. I was born to fly freely and I was finally making that effort to do that! Seeing my own creativity and style made it so much more clearer that I was indeed born special, and that I hid from myself and my true power for way too long. Even if it takes a whole lifetime, I'm willing to dish it out on my own terms and not someone else's.

Since then, I made even more vision boards and my confidence went up quite a bit. I let myself do things now that I was afraid to do. I'm changing how I do business and how I approach things. I tell myself everyday that I trust myself and that things will work out. And mostly, I'm showing my wings to all that is in range to see them. So that I can be able to share and give my own radiance to people that find themselves in the same rut, without so much sacrificing my own butt in the process.

So this summer was a wonderful tool and I see how everything DID work out for the best. I could of never imagined the person I am now in the oceans of tears I cried throughout. I'm unbelievably happy of all the great and loving guides (especially the fairies) that kept me going and assured me of better times. I'm probably not rolling in money, have a big house or have that perfect lover or body now, but I have the most important thing. An undying drive, dedication and trust in myself. That I'm not only good enough for this world, but I am the very world I live in. And if I want a better life I have to have a better me, a me that is full of self love with a trust to match!  

 

Not Taking Spirituality So Seriously

 Making spirituality my own.

It's been a long time since I made a personal blog post. Mostly because I went into a deep hiatus after being "out there" for too long and other life happenings. Things have gotten so intense in my life that I had to choose to drop a lot of the tasks I was trying to do and focus on my core passions. It's something that I want to get into in another post but for now I just want to express my new feelings about spiritually and just being alive.

Through my hiatus a lot of big changes happened, and most of them were in myself. The way I view the world and it's relation to myself and my current experience in the world. A change in dreams and finally knowing what I really want out of my life and in myself. Those changes and many others even before this time have been showing me how dependent I was on spirituality. And how I hold too many other people's words to heart and not on my own.

For the longest time I felt that being "positive" in all its aspects (loving, forgiving, gratefulness) meant trying to be this saint like figure, something that I wanted to be. But time and time again I would find life would takes it's toll and I would be anything but those things. Then I would feel bad because I was being "negative" and somehow I would be cut off from the universe's graces. I'm finding out that a lot of that thinking came from all the books and constant dedication to my spiritual beliefs. That positive things equaled to abundance and a great life and negative things equaled lack and etc. I believed this because everyone else were saying it, and me trying to follow the best possible route for my life, I wanted to adopt that thinking too.

The more days go by now, the more I see and feel myself separating from what I've been learning for years and into my own simple be(ing)lief system. Something that isn't what "everyone else" says, but one simply about me, being me in this world. I'm tired of hearing that positivity equals good and negativity equals bad in ALL aspects. I'm sick of hearing how if you are loving, forgiving and saint like you'll get the universe's graces. And if you are the opposite you are out of that loop.

My thing is, we should be allow to be human. And quite frankly, everyone isn't happy or loving or forgiving all the time, and that should be more than okay. I'm sick of hearing the guru's boast about their life being great because they were positive (in the broadest sense mind you) and if you don't have what you want, you are doing something wrong. I'm not against being positive, and I'm surly not against improving yourself and your life but I am against trying to be this god like figure because that's the spiritual community's "ideal" in a way.

Despite all the great and powerful experiences, words and concepts I've been shown about who I am, I'm starting to feel more comfortable being "human" (it changes but generally speaking). I'm feeling more comfortable having rough emotions, having to struggle sometimes, having to risk things, having to be open to others and being hurt, not wanting to forgive another, feeling disgusted with people and things, and just the way life is sometimes.

I feel that, I've kept myself from feeling strong hurtful emotions because I felt like I had to love everything to be this "shining beacon" of light. That top of the mountain that all spiritual people want to go on and spend tons of time and money on to get there. I want to be able to be my super self (embodiment of my higher self) but I think I've been trying to cut too much out and mold myself into something that the "collective" wants, and not so much my own.

I don't like children and babies, I never did, I never want to have any. The universe having been slapping me with "mother" and "children" like signs for over a year now. And in that time I felt like I had to like babies and children to be whatever the universe is trying to convey to me. But after some failed attempts to like them I just have to shout to the world at large that despite my beliefs and what I want to be, I DO NOT LIKE CHILDREN OR BABIES. And gosh it felt good when I got clear with myself about my feelings. It got even better when I told myself and the world that I don't have to be or do anything because I'm spiritual. I can be whoever I wish, and do whatever I wish and still be a great person. I don't have to be "all-loving", I don't have to forgive everyone on a drop of a dime and I don't have to be compassionate in the face of something I completely opposite. And I surely don't have to force myself to like anything to be in the universe's graces or to be considered an "authentic" spiritual person to others. It's all self opposed stuff that I've been reading about for as long as I've been in the metaphysical (which was for 10 plus years). I'm stepping out of the books, and other people's ideas to know that who I am "now" is more than good enough today, right now. I don't have to do anything or be anything to be good enough, I am that right now, with all my flaws.

Yes, I want to improve upon myself just like anyone else, but I won't be so serious about it. I'm more willing to go through life's bumps as well as the emotional kind and be okay. I can feel needy, selfish, spoiled, angry, unforgiving and know that it's okay to FEEL those feelings because I'm human. Despite my spiritual nature inside and outside my body, I can be anything I choose and accept those things, and still be good enough for the world, myself and anyone I care for. It's not about feeding those bad emotions, but accepting them inside myself, and admitting that "I'm not so loving right now",  or "I really hate that I'm dealing with this." It really is okay, given that you're not being run by those emotions and are dealing with them constructively. And if you are still not feeling all loving, let that be okay. You're more than allowed to feel that way because we're human and no human being is perfect, or never had a negative emotion. We all had them at one point and we can get better. But don't strive for something mindlessly, or do it to be conveyed as a certain person, to other's or yourself. Because that will be the biggest challenge that you'll almost never have the guts to face. That part of you that is negative, hateful, unforgiving, hurt and only wants to express itself like every other part of you (as long as it is constructive of course).

♥♥♥ Inner Child, The Divine Whisperer ♥♥♥