The Nap Where I Saw Heaven

That morning I saw a painting by Nicolas Poussin called The Assumption of the Virgin. The painting, mainly the clouds, colors and the general feeling of the painting took me back. Somewhere to a place where I haven't been in many years. Some how, I knew in a distant memory, when I was very young, the angels and heaven were exactly like the painting depleted. I knew I saw it all before, like a first memory or dream, but I can't rationally say where and how. I just felt it in my soul and existence, something I call a "soul sense".

Looking at the picture took me back home, a place I dearly missed and loved. I started to feel sad and homesick, wishing that I could be there again, somehow. Even though I'm now living on planet earth, there are some things that I will always go back to, and most of them are just not of this world.

It was warm that afternoon, but it didn't stop me from taking a much needed nap. I however would of never guess what I would wake up from...

I had about 2 dreams before the experience, but this is where things got interesting.

I was looking at this PDF file about finding your true desires or something. I remember you could fill it out on the computer yet the document was in my field of view, it was just there. I remember looking at the top to the bottom of it. It was a tan color and I remember seeing red in it too. The document disappeared and I was outside someone's garden. The garden had big bushes along the side with weird colored grass or plant like flowers in the yard. They also had a flower near the edge of the fence. 

Somehow through yet another computer like program I was able to change the color of the grass. In fact I could change the color scheme of the garden. I had 3 or 4 options and the third option is the one I liked best. It changed the grass to a cool green/blue color and all the other plants around it matched. It wasn't too hard on the eyes like the other color schemes.

Then the wind started picking up and my dad was bending down in the grass to touch it. The dream was getting a lot more realistic and I was getting a lot more lucid. I remember seeing the grass move in such great detail with this one flower that was blowing along with it.

This is when things got really weird. I was standing at the opened gate of the fence, while my sister was standing on my left and my dad was standing on my right. I looked up at the sky and saw this one cloud that looked like a bird (it was more like dragon this time), a classic symbol of my passed grandmother. I excitedly told my sister "look look at that cloud!". When she did, the cloud drifted off and I saw the earth rotating fast like those videos where they capture the earth revolving and you can see the shadow covering the earth. This totally freaked me out because I took it as a omen. I was always afraid of seeing space and planets in my dreams because I felt like something bad was about to happen, this was no different. In fact there was a lot of stuff in the sky moving about but seeing the earth turn as fast as it did with the shadow covering it up totally put me on edge. I didn't want it to be a sign to what to come.

As all this is going on, I had a growing feeling of the ominous when suddenly the rush of wanting to ask "I do have a huge purpose?" came to me. I wanted to ask my sister but I learned that whenever I do ask about my purpose to anyone in my dream, they would look at me as if I was stupid. But this time I really NEEDED to ask and I couldn't form the words in the right way. I kept thinking about how I should ask so I could get a straight answer, but I knew that I didn't have a lot of time. That's when I just asked my sister "Just tell me, I do have a huge purpose don't I?". I looked up at her while she was looking out over yonder and said "Yeah you do". FINALLY, a straight answer but not one from a question as if I didn't know, but a reassurance that what I knew what right.

The sky started to grey, the wind was picking up. I knew something huge was going to happen, then it did. As I was continuing to look up in the sky, in the left side corner of my eye I saw a tidal wave coming through the neighborhood block. It was grey and was covering everything in its path. Initially I started to freak out, at this point of the dream things were surely real and I was lucid to the max.

Tidal waves are the number one symbol in my dream that kills me. Numerous times through out the years. Yet they are involved in my most spiritual dreams. No matter what happens, if I look out over a body of water in my dream I'm sure to see one emerge and all I can do is run/fly for my life, hoping I won't get killed in the process. But after the last dream where I saw one, I knew that I had to stand up to my fear. So as fast as I felt fear I stood up and felt powerful, that I wouldn't run and knew that I would be okay. In my mind I was like "I got this!".

That's when my dad took me and my sister and dashed to our right, down the street to outrun the wave. I was in shock and didn't know what to expect. With only a few steps my dad took my hand or arm and pushed me forward/up and yelled at me to "fly!". I knew that somehow this was the moment of truth, instead of running and graveling in fear I was going to excel and ascend everything I've done before and go to my rightful place and fly!

I outstretched my arms and intended on flying (superman style), exceeding, and becoming way more then I could be before, and wouldn't you have it I stared flying faithfully and strongly!

I knew then that I was going to avoid the wave and felt safe, but started to fear if I was heading into outer space. I saw the clouds I was flying through and I was ascending higher and higher. I calmed my fear and no sooner that I did I saw the most incredible white building on my right!

Then looked ahead and saw "heaven" full blast and totally embodied in the experience as if I was there before!

 It was bright and sunny with plenty of cloud like fog near the bottom. At that point was I flying on auto pilot, as if I was somehow being controlled. All I had to do was relax and enjoy the moment and I would fly to wherever I needed to be. I remember hearing the angels cheering for me in the distance in a way. I was so excited and no sooner I saw the skyscape all I could repeat to myself is that "I knew it!". Everything I saw and felt was exactly what I remember heaven and the angels being like.

No matter what I read or leaned from, that very first remembrance of heaven I had never left and anything that connected me to that "feeling" strike me to the core. It was surely the truth that I knew to be true on a soul level.

The sun, or if it was the sun, was amazing! Instead of a bright yellow ball in the sky as you would see on earth, it was a soft white, warm and healing light. I could see the light flares from me looking into it and the somewhat opalescent rays that my eyes could capture.

The white building that I saw before, it wrapped around from the right to the left. I saw that the general style was marble and the classic cherry wood ascent. I also saw a huge bronze angel statue, it seemed like it moved gracefully as I flew by. As I flew around, the reality of everything was more real and welcoming then our reality.

 Nothing in this world can recapture the moment like I experienced. This wasn't a mere dream and it was just too damn awesome to be an out-body-experience since I'm accustomed to those. I can't explain what exactly my travels as those are. I just know when I do have them, I have a guide or someone watching me, because I can't just go on my own.

As I was flying, I remember seeing the huge windows and the angels talking to each other. Each one had a colorful rob on. One even had a huge stack of papers with him. As I continued to fly around I went under or in a building and inside it was like a super mall! Full of gold and perhaps yellow lights. Tons of levels and angels everywhere just working. I remember seeing it and how in love I would be in huge places like that on earth. Now I know why, because it reminds me of home.

I wanted to take control of the flying and as I dipped down I willed myself to the left and had to use my hands to keep myself from crashing into the marble wall. I literally scaled up the wall a bit to continue flying.

I look down and saw two angels talking to each other. They both had different colored robes on, one with a brown/maroon color and I forgot the other one. They both had brown wavy shoulder length hair. They were both gorgeous as hell just like the classic depictions of angels, yet they both lacked wings. In fact, I didn't see a single pair during my trip!

 At that time I knew archangel Michael was around because I just had him on my mind. It was like he was there with me. So I assumed that one of the angels was him and turned around and made a landing. Again the experience was so real and alive, I just can't believe it. I felt the force of the landing and had to take quick steps to prevent myself from falling. Then when I looked closer at the angel knew it wasn't Michael.

I looked ahead and wanted to go back outside. I remember seeing two younger angels chasing after me in a light hearted way. I wanted to make an exit before they could reach me. I saw the door, it was fancy like a hotel door. Even the bronze door handle was crafted in a exquisite way. I remember grabbing the door and opening it, I could see the outside behind another pair of doors. Then just like that I faded into the dark, as if I got "disconnected" and woke up.

-----

This is probably by far the very best experience I ever had. Everything that I worked for spiritually and about finding about who I am was somehow conformed in this short trip to heaven. Now I know that I'm in fact an incarnated Seraph angel (will explain in a later post) living yet again in a human body. 

Not only that, but remembering from childhood or even when I was just a few years old, the "feeling" of what heaven and angels are like was completely validated! It was like I never left and that connection stayed strong no matter what happened to me.  

My yearning for my home was satisfied and I feel so blessed that the angels (and probably Archangel Michael that initiated this) gave me that wonderful feeling again! But I'm sure this wasn't just for leisure, as you can tell from the beginning of the dream I had to be brave and strong. If for a second I went back into my more fearful mind set I probably wouldn't be able to fly or even believe I could do it. My bravery towards the tidal wave grant me the strength to say "I'm not going to run, but fly!" and in a moments time I felt that specialness, that true power that I had in myself, totally untapped and in my control and faith! 

Even after the experience, I woke up as if I was in a deep 8 hour sleep (I was asleep for less then an hour). The immense details of the dream started to fade almost immediately, and after I got up to type this down I contracted a headache, something that never happened to me before. But it only tells me further that what I experienced is not only real but deep and immense.

It's obvious that my brain simply can't handle the level of realty that I was in. The detail, the experience itself is something so far beyond what I'm normally used to that my brain has a hard time keeping up with it. Which is probably way I contacted a headache in the first place.

Later that day when I went to stretch my body, I pulled two of my back muscles, right down my shoulder blades. When I felt where the pain was, I was surprised to find that those areas is where angel wings (even my own) grow from! I can say that I never pulled those muscles before, or at least that I can remember (which hurt a LOT). I'm not sure what happened during my trip but it triggered something physically from which I can remember it by.

Hopefully, through reading my story and experience, it would trigger or even inspire you to explore the angel kingdom. So that maybe you can find a bit of yourself and finally take off and fly like I did. :)

♥♥♥ Inner Child, The Divine Whisperer ♥♥♥

The Crystal Code: My Divinity

Ice stock photo by Fotogrph

 This is the crystal code I done about my clarification ability that I mentioned in my last post: The Truth About Speaking My Own Truth 

There might be things that don't make sense because I never mentioned a lot of the spiritual journey that I went through in the last year. I'm actually going to start posting those stories so you all can see how everything came together for me along the way! Till then, enjoy and I do hope that maybe you can get a glimpse of your own purpose and power through my reading and experience!

The crystal code: My divinity (5/19/2012)

Q: Tell me about this power. What does it do and how can I learn to understand it?

The crystal code:

spiritual green/brown, bright cerulean blue crystal

What do those colors mean?

This is my own power that I gain a long time ago before I was born. However, I was just gaining access to it because I was spiritual enough to tap into it. That and my own abilities to seek out information has grown considerably.

I sense that this power was in me all this time and I'm just scratching the surface on what I can do with it. All of my power came from far away and is not of this world, though it may feel like it. In time, more of my abilities will start to come into fruition and I can claim my powers once again. But for now, I have to let my powers come to me instead of fighting to get them. Fighting my growth will never bring me my powers but hinder it in the long run.

Again, this power is not just of me but the many personas that I created over my spiritual life time, and most recently my angelic roots. I feel that I'm a gate keeper of some sort and my job was to protect many things from human eyes (thus the cathedral thing).

It says since I know of this power (the power I am keeping from people) I was able to come down here and finally share it then keep it hidden. But the more I let myself sink into my own despair about what I could and couldn't do, the more veiled my own knowledge became, and thus was kept from myself.

That is why now I'm gaining the abilities that I have been gaining for years. I can tap into my roots and my guides to receive the power that I stationed there. It was all because of my purpose, I didn't want to just come down here with everything, I wanted to learn as well, and I can't learn if I had all the answers right from the start. So I decided to keep my powers hidden for me to discover them when it was time. Not for my hard work, but for experience, time, and ultimately for the world I was sent to protect and enlighten.

------

I took a food break and wrote my personal thoughts about the crystal code afterwards.

As I was fixing my food, I was thinking about what I wrote. Initially, I didn't know what to think, I didn't disbelieve it but something inside had my wheels turning, like consciously I wasn't sure but subconsciously I knew and I was trying to process it. It does makes sense.

I felt that my cathedral (or cathedrals in general) have a completely different purpose in heaven (I feel heaven goes by a different name it begin with a T or a C). Where on earth they are used to praise "god" in heaven (I need to know the real name it's driving me bonkers now) they are like treasure chests, and in treasure chests there is always something valuable inside. Whatever was inside is very important to everyone (whomever that may be) and my duty there was to keep it safe. But now it's time to share it to everyone (whatever that means).

Then the archetype of being a way shower or a "gate" that was used for me before. That cathedral, I'm exactly that, a gate, a way to go to the other side (of what I don't know). What was told to me, that I would be a gate for the future generations completely ties in now, and the reason I was born a crystal child trailblazer. I'm here not for the "children" but the world, the world that is coming (2012?) and somehow I have this deep ominous twist, desire, and tie to it that I can't explain.

Which ties into my prophecy I was shown and the visions I was shown. I am going to be the princess of the new world after the next great shift, my feelings of pushing the world into a new way, the gate concept where people have to go through me to enter this world as kryon/ ascended masters said to me. It all ties in and makes so much sense.

Not to mention the learning aspects of my life, the biggest challenges and strives I had to make, I had to learn, it was never given to me at all. And I know it's because I made it that way so I could learn for myself and remember it always.

This is all so crazy because at the end of the day it all makes sense. I'm getting information that I would only be able to reach when I was truly "enlightened" where all the answers would be in the back of my pocket. Now, that knowing is right here for my taking and I can access anything I wish, just like before, before I came down here. Wherever I was, I had this ability, this tuning into anything in the universe, like a cosmic map of the entire universe, there was nothing I couldn't know because I had the core power to do so.

Also, whatever this power or knowledge is that I was protecting, it's so important to so many or even to "god". I can't explain why it's important but I feel that only I could use/protect it in a way. And why the angels/entities look at me in the way they do. They probably remember be for who I was then what I am now.

And again this is probably why I gotten the name "The Crystal Code" when I woke up. Because in a sly way, it is a code. Something for me to detect and read where other's can't pick up or explain.

Again, this ties into my number 1 life path number and my numerology chart altogether. I'm am here to lead something, to be a gate or a way shower to something, but it's not by pushing the world by my own hands but being a door/gate where people can see me and chose to enter or not.

This would explain my love for keys and locks, crowns and so on.

-----

Continuing the code

The reason why I chose to come down here because as a gate, I was the only one that can carry out the code, the way, and the gate to the new thought. It's my job to know where I came from and why I'm here, and the reason why the angels look after me so closely. Even though I want to hide from it, my specialness is ingrained, it's not a generic thing or something that I lose after I'm gone.

My aura, my radiance is still in tact with my old spiritual body, and why people can sense that "different" feeling from me because I am. No matter how much I try to hide it, I can't be normal by any standard, even though I hide it with tricks of the mind I can only know that I am who I really am. And that my life purpose is dependent on how much of me I really am striving to be.

The more I run from my destiny the more depressed I'll be about it. Hiding away is not the answer but facing it dead on where everyone can see, that is my purpose to be a way shower so people know what kindness and a new world can look like if they done the same.

The knowledge from above has to be grounded here for the world to come no matter who says what. I know this consciously but I refuse to let it in because of my mortality. My fear of death comes form not fulfilling my duty, not because of my lack of knowledge of the other side. Even so, I have to put aside my fears and replace them with light, so that in the face of fear, I know exactly what I'm going to do and how I will do it. Being afraid isn't my journey but a lesson, a lesson to be brave, bold and straight forward. The more bullheaded I become the less greatness I can exude.

When I was in heaven, I chosen gifts that will aid in my heavenly journey. Those gifts would then be with me for life. I however let my powers die down so I can learn how to be human first. It's not my job to be the best right now. My best comes from being who I am, not coping someone's style.

I get that when I am who I am, I shine. But the language of other's disapproval is what keeps me down again and again. Being who I am requires strength that no matter who says what I will prevail. My journey does not involve being approved by anyone. The most approval I need is from myself and the universe which I already have.

The angels already know my path and what will come of it but I still have yet to see the great change that will come from this world. Even if it is deadly I have to accept the times and consequences that I made to come here. No matter what, what I do for this world is dependent on me and me only.

When I put aside my petty need to be liked and adored I will see that my ways have been set in stone for eons. To show people a way to be, but not to be pushed there, to gain knowledge though strength, not struggle, and to know who I am from being me, not copying someone that I like and adore.

My purpose and path is forever endowed in me and when I release the pains and struggles of the world and myself I can shine my light and knowledge to all that wants it. And anything less then that is not only wasting my time, but prolonging the change of the world that is yet to come.

 Fear not because it will be okay, I planned this along with many others and so we now have each other's backs to control the future, to ensure safety, and to finally bring something that has yet to touch this world in a very long time.

One thing however. I need to stop caring about how my stories sound. I need to take responsibly of how I think and feel and stop placing the blame on the people that may not like it. That is not the reason I'm here. This reason alone keeps me from reaching my full potential. When I let go and let god, only then can I unlock everything about anything. I want it but I first must let go of the need to be the best because in truth I already am the best of being myself and being who I am right now, at this moment.

The goddesses wanted to talk to me about what the crystal code said.

Focused intention (Diana)

She's saying that my concerns about being adored is a silly one. I have to approve of myself fully before I can expect anyone else too. She says to keep the faith and don't let anyone get in the way of being who I really am. I have her support in everything I do!

That and I have to watch how I feel about myself in relation to others because it might be I don't accept who I came down as, then what other people tend to believe.

Prosperity (abundantia)

She says that being who I am will grant me all of my wishes because I am a way shower and a powerful being of light. I grant my own wishes without knowing them and I can do the same for others if they ask. All I have to do is believe in my own power of manifesting and letting the universe take care of the rest!

Bodies of water (sulis)

In time I will grow into a more powerful being but I must learn to put aside the petty doubts that I create about myself. Even if people don't believe you they are not the people you where here to protect. The people that will want to be your follower will come naturally. Like a river, people can chose to step into it and be swayed by it while others walk through it. The river doesn't chose people whom it wants to take, it's up to the person. So take it easy and remember who you are because the way you are now is the person you were meant to be.

Lastly, take care of yourself spiritually. Getting down to the root to your problems proves great awards so don't forget to address your spiritual and emotional needs.

Mother earth (Mawu)

She says that the great mother is calling me back to her. To ground myself in her so I can be fearless in what I am doing. It's not only my job to enlighten and protect the people but the earth as well. When I connect to the earth, wonderful things can happen!

The Truth About Speaking My Own Truth

Have you ever had trouble speaking your truth? Did you ever had to chew down your words, hide your opinion or not share what's really on your mind? And this isn't just about "how you feel about something" but how you feel about yourself, your own truth and wisdom about something that you may be going though. Maybe you feel that the people around you won't get it, people will think you're crazy or even get a negative response from others about your own feelings.

Maybe it's not about what other people think that scares us, but what we think about ourselves about speaking our truth.

We often  place the blame for others that "we can't speak our truth" when it's ourselves that don't let us speak our own truth.

Since overhauling my life and discovering more and more about myself in all ways, my need and desire to speak my own truth have become a blessing and a challenge. Accepting who I am as a soul and spirit has been the hardest challenge I had to face on my own, simply because I don't let myself fully believe.

When I say that, I go "Of course I believe!" but do I really? All the wonderful things that the angels said about me and the beautiful picture of grace that I felt for myself, is that truly who I am, or something I simply want to put faith in? What will other's think about these stories, this magical journey (laced with frustration and struggle) and life that I keep from others? As much as I want to share them, my inner child wants them hidden, out of fear from both sides of the field. From both being ridiculed and falling in love with the magic she fears that might not be true.

I often wonder what people will think, but it's not about what people think but what I think. I want to go bat shit crazy with my ideas, concepts and creativity only to be halted by my own fears.

Fear has it positive uses, I know that, but I'm using fear as an excuse to not be who I am fully. To hide myself again from my own beauty, something that the angels never kept from me. If I was half as bold as them I would probably be on T.V because of the insane stuff I would share, but I don't, out of fear and I have to break that cycle.

My journey have taken me to places in myself that I couldn't imagine going. Day after day more and more of myself becomes unveiled to me, making me a stronger more confident person. I get a bigger glimpse of my purpose and why my life has been the way it has. And then of course, I ask the tougher questions. My past life, not on earth but in divinity. Where does that tie in? Who was I before I came down here? Why did I decide to leave, really? The books, information and articles I read makes sense, but I'm always left with more questions because I want to know my own personal reasons and how they are tied to the various things I was shown.

I probably know a lot more about my spiritual self then a lot of other folks that are looking for it, and I should be thankful I have such heavy ties with my heavenly and cosmic bothers and sisters. I can't help but to know who I am fully, the pieces I was shown are awesome in nature but always leads me to more questions.

Did I come from heaven, am I an incarnated angel, fairy or goddess? Did I directly come from source then placed in a body? How does that tie into being a crystal child? What was my duties before I came here? How exactly am I suppose to change the world? So many questions with so many pieces that leads to even more questions.

What am I suppose to do with this information? Share it? What happens if I do? What will people think? Will I scare off people? How will this effect me and my personal life?

Those are the core questions that comes up to me daily when I think about "expressing who I really am"...

All in all however, no matter who or what happens in my path... It's up to ME to fully believe in what I'm shown and do something with it. I can say that just knowing what I'm shown isn't enough. It just doesn't feel right "hiding" it as opposed to "not sharing it". I know the difference, and it's between truly not caring what other people think and being afraid of outside opinions.

Today (5/19/2012) I decided to do an aura reading (that I'm now calling "The Crystal Code" I'll explain in a later post) where I asked about my clarification and what it "really" is. Honestly, I don't think it's clarification but a different kind of power that I can use as clarification so I was curious about the true nature of my power.  

I was given an immense journey about my angelic roots, my duties and the reasons why I came here. Everything was so unbelievable that I didn't know what to think, but in the back of my mind it all made complete sense. It ties into everything I've been shown and only shined a brighter light on my purpose and the reasons for being here.

The reading itself came to be 4 pages so I'll post it on it's stand alone post, though it probably would make less sense to the outside because I never explained my other stories about "who I truly am". In any event, it just shows more that I'm here to share something and not hide it, to show my true colors not dull them and to be a way shower for others.

It's becoming clearer and clearer that the more I run away from myself the more backlash I'm going to feel because I do crave to expresses those wonderful things. That being my superself means being all of me and not just the parts people will like. I have to take risks because without them how can I truly be an inspiration to anyone? Playing it safe in this world does nothing but make life boring, but taking action on what you love and know makes things interesting, different and alive. I want to be that, not a complete hermit that's too afraid to come out and shine.

No matter who or what is said about me, I have to realize that it's not about them, it's about me and it's always has been. I just thought it was about other people because I wasn't only afraid what other people might think, but what I felt about it, or if it was even true.

No one wants to be made fun of or to look like a fool. But most history changing people went through that and they didn't for a second give up on what they believed in, even when things got physical. So why do I choose to stay in the dark when so many others lit the path for me?  

I know the reason and I'm going to do my best to stop that excuse, because when the rubber meets the road my purpose is solely depended on how much of myself I choose to share. Even if I tell myself it's not, it is, hands down. I let myself fail and be less then I chose to be for long enough.

My destiny isn't in the hands of others but in my own. And I have to remember that.

Till next time

♥♥♥ Inner Child, The Divine Whisperer ♥♥♥