March 18-24 Ascended Masters Reading

It's time to get real and honest with ourselves. We've been uncomfortable in our own skin trying to draw wisdom from other people and concepts to define us. Unfortunately, that doesn't work when we're entering a world of true authenticity so it's time to GET REAL with yourself. Accept yourself as who you are and your real wisdom will shine from the inside!

When An Angel Hides Its Wings: How I learned To Trust Myself

 

Since summer my confidence had dropped considerably, the way I viewed the world got darker and the mistrust in myself soared to a whole new height. I was starting to believe that life was nothing more than one big struggle and that no matter how hard I tired, I would never get to where I truly wanted in life.

However, in an awesome line of events, mostly the mermaids nudging me to revive old childhood passions did not only gave birth to my new dream, but spawned an entirely new me. Going down that road, I learned my even deeper struggles and unconscious processes. Why I always set myself up for failure and why I was so content on living a life of mediocrity. Why I've always deep down inside never considered myself good enough. Which fueled my drive to overhaul myself towards perfection by society's standards. Why it was so hard to put my all into something without thinking it would fail miserably.  

To put it simply, I let the world tell me who I was from an early age. I was bullied a lot because of who I am and the sound of my voice, as ridiculous as it sounds. And all that torment, negative feelings and experiences I never really worked on poisoned my mind on such a deep level. For months I've been trying to throw out the negative and limiting beliefs but only up till a month or so ago was I able to hit this nasty core. My anger towards these monstrous class mates over the years and me being truly sick of not being good enough for something better made me rocket power towards full self love. I was PISSED that I let myself think that I wasn't good enough for better clothes, home, relationships and just life itself. I was so angry that I laid sleeping in this horrid nightmare, unable to realize what I was doing till I was knee deep in the shit. It was a powerful feeling, a feeling that I couldn't have been more thankful for. 

In that hiatus, I knew that this was the very thing I've been waiting for. Before then, I felt this "last step" I had to go on in this old phase of my life. That person I was meant to be was there and I was just one step behind. If I was able to go it alone and to met her there, my world would change and it did. I was able to reshape everything I thought I knew about myself, and came to terms that I was beautiful, great, radiant and awesome since the day I was born. That no matter what weight I was, how I looked, sound or did, I was MORE than good enough, I was perfect the way I was. I let people determined who I was and because of that I hid my radiance from the world. I hid my own wings so that even I couldn't see them. So for many years I felt like I was just human, even in the face of an angel telling me how great I was. I was too afraid to come out of my "human" box. I was too afraid to stand out in fear that people will look down upon me. I didn't want to go too far in my opinions in fear that I will offend others. I let everyone else truly shape me into a lesser, far more inferior me and I'm deciding to throw that bastard out. I'll still have my issues, but I won't be controlled by them or how people perceive me. I'm going to bring my all everyday even if no one notices.

Another major factor in finding that true trust in myself was realizing that I didn't fully trust myself. I would only go 50%-90% most times. Even though I got better on "trusting" in general, trusting myself was one of the major problems I had. It was one of the major reasons why I failed in my more important goals in life. That was a total life changer. Once I knew about this, thanks to Archangel Michael, I was able to really change things around about myself.

Because I didn't trust myself, I had low expectations about things. Those low expectations manifested in not finishing projects and not seeing the results I wanted. Which ultimately lead to me feeling highly frustrated about life and how things just didn't work for me. Which lead me to subconsciously want help from guru's that spoke good enough game even though I was resistant. I wanted someone to give me a process that worked, so that I could stop struggling with myself. But that internal struggling came from me not trusting myself, so once I DID I had no need to have those people in my life. In fact I unsubscribed, unfollowed and deleted the very people that I idolized negatively. I felt kind of bad doing it but now (a few weeks since) I haven't thought about them at all!

In the height of that, learning about my new dream, having this new perspective on things and finally willing to put all the effort I needed to get there, I made my first vision board. I wanted to see, read and embody the very things I knew I could get out of life. That no matter what or who says what, I can live the life I was meant to live. That I wasn't bound to the struggles, negativity and ruined people in this city. I was born to fly freely and I was finally making that effort to do that! Seeing my own creativity and style made it so much more clearer that I was indeed born special, and that I hid from myself and my true power for way too long. Even if it takes a whole lifetime, I'm willing to dish it out on my own terms and not someone else's.

Since then, I made even more vision boards and my confidence went up quite a bit. I let myself do things now that I was afraid to do. I'm changing how I do business and how I approach things. I tell myself everyday that I trust myself and that things will work out. And mostly, I'm showing my wings to all that is in range to see them. So that I can be able to share and give my own radiance to people that find themselves in the same rut, without so much sacrificing my own butt in the process.

So this summer was a wonderful tool and I see how everything DID work out for the best. I could of never imagined the person I am now in the oceans of tears I cried throughout. I'm unbelievably happy of all the great and loving guides (especially the fairies) that kept me going and assured me of better times. I'm probably not rolling in money, have a big house or have that perfect lover or body now, but I have the most important thing. An undying drive, dedication and trust in myself. That I'm not only good enough for this world, but I am the very world I live in. And if I want a better life I have to have a better me, a me that is full of self love with a trust to match!  

 

Not Taking Spirituality So Seriously

 Making spirituality my own.

It's been a long time since I made a personal blog post. Mostly because I went into a deep hiatus after being "out there" for too long and other life happenings. Things have gotten so intense in my life that I had to choose to drop a lot of the tasks I was trying to do and focus on my core passions. It's something that I want to get into in another post but for now I just want to express my new feelings about spiritually and just being alive.

Through my hiatus a lot of big changes happened, and most of them were in myself. The way I view the world and it's relation to myself and my current experience in the world. A change in dreams and finally knowing what I really want out of my life and in myself. Those changes and many others even before this time have been showing me how dependent I was on spirituality. And how I hold too many other people's words to heart and not on my own.

For the longest time I felt that being "positive" in all its aspects (loving, forgiving, gratefulness) meant trying to be this saint like figure, something that I wanted to be. But time and time again I would find life would takes it's toll and I would be anything but those things. Then I would feel bad because I was being "negative" and somehow I would be cut off from the universe's graces. I'm finding out that a lot of that thinking came from all the books and constant dedication to my spiritual beliefs. That positive things equaled to abundance and a great life and negative things equaled lack and etc. I believed this because everyone else were saying it, and me trying to follow the best possible route for my life, I wanted to adopt that thinking too.

The more days go by now, the more I see and feel myself separating from what I've been learning for years and into my own simple be(ing)lief system. Something that isn't what "everyone else" says, but one simply about me, being me in this world. I'm tired of hearing that positivity equals good and negativity equals bad in ALL aspects. I'm sick of hearing how if you are loving, forgiving and saint like you'll get the universe's graces. And if you are the opposite you are out of that loop.

My thing is, we should be allow to be human. And quite frankly, everyone isn't happy or loving or forgiving all the time, and that should be more than okay. I'm sick of hearing the guru's boast about their life being great because they were positive (in the broadest sense mind you) and if you don't have what you want, you are doing something wrong. I'm not against being positive, and I'm surly not against improving yourself and your life but I am against trying to be this god like figure because that's the spiritual community's "ideal" in a way.

Despite all the great and powerful experiences, words and concepts I've been shown about who I am, I'm starting to feel more comfortable being "human" (it changes but generally speaking). I'm feeling more comfortable having rough emotions, having to struggle sometimes, having to risk things, having to be open to others and being hurt, not wanting to forgive another, feeling disgusted with people and things, and just the way life is sometimes.

I feel that, I've kept myself from feeling strong hurtful emotions because I felt like I had to love everything to be this "shining beacon" of light. That top of the mountain that all spiritual people want to go on and spend tons of time and money on to get there. I want to be able to be my super self (embodiment of my higher self) but I think I've been trying to cut too much out and mold myself into something that the "collective" wants, and not so much my own.

I don't like children and babies, I never did, I never want to have any. The universe having been slapping me with "mother" and "children" like signs for over a year now. And in that time I felt like I had to like babies and children to be whatever the universe is trying to convey to me. But after some failed attempts to like them I just have to shout to the world at large that despite my beliefs and what I want to be, I DO NOT LIKE CHILDREN OR BABIES. And gosh it felt good when I got clear with myself about my feelings. It got even better when I told myself and the world that I don't have to be or do anything because I'm spiritual. I can be whoever I wish, and do whatever I wish and still be a great person. I don't have to be "all-loving", I don't have to forgive everyone on a drop of a dime and I don't have to be compassionate in the face of something I completely opposite. And I surely don't have to force myself to like anything to be in the universe's graces or to be considered an "authentic" spiritual person to others. It's all self opposed stuff that I've been reading about for as long as I've been in the metaphysical (which was for 10 plus years). I'm stepping out of the books, and other people's ideas to know that who I am "now" is more than good enough today, right now. I don't have to do anything or be anything to be good enough, I am that right now, with all my flaws.

Yes, I want to improve upon myself just like anyone else, but I won't be so serious about it. I'm more willing to go through life's bumps as well as the emotional kind and be okay. I can feel needy, selfish, spoiled, angry, unforgiving and know that it's okay to FEEL those feelings because I'm human. Despite my spiritual nature inside and outside my body, I can be anything I choose and accept those things, and still be good enough for the world, myself and anyone I care for. It's not about feeding those bad emotions, but accepting them inside myself, and admitting that "I'm not so loving right now",  or "I really hate that I'm dealing with this." It really is okay, given that you're not being run by those emotions and are dealing with them constructively. And if you are still not feeling all loving, let that be okay. You're more than allowed to feel that way because we're human and no human being is perfect, or never had a negative emotion. We all had them at one point and we can get better. But don't strive for something mindlessly, or do it to be conveyed as a certain person, to other's or yourself. Because that will be the biggest challenge that you'll almost never have the guts to face. That part of you that is negative, hateful, unforgiving, hurt and only wants to express itself like every other part of you (as long as it is constructive of course).

♥♥♥ Inner Child, The Divine Whisperer ♥♥♥

The Power of Contentment And Wisdom

A lot of things have been happening lately in my life. A lot of things that truly revealed my "true self" in a lot of ways that I didn't think was possible. Then again, when I think I found my true purpose, or think I know everything about myself I get smacked with even greater insight.

This started a few weeks ago, shortly after the dream about my twin flame. I've gotten a new resolve about life and I started to change things around for myself. Like getting leaner, stronger, getting back to my creative activities and overall focusing on myself a lot more than just working on my angel card business.

I love my angel cards but when push comes to stove, I've been putting to much time promoting them and trying to make sales. I would love to see my business boom or grow a lot quicker but I'm seeing now that a lot more important things have to be made and learned before I can get the success that I want.

In the short time where I've gained what seems like a life time worth of wisdom, I see why all the things that happened to me was there in the first place. I have a greater calling that I couldn't have even imagined and the universe wants me to be prepared to do what I need to do.

A short few months back, I would get angry that all of my hard work never gets returned. I preach the all too common theme "When you follow your bliss money will follow" but when I look at myself I often feel that I'm running in circles. There is a lot I want out of my life, and a lot of what I'm currently in is simply what I do not want. If I believed I could move out and live the life of my dreams simply because I "believed" I could, then way was I shown so much pain and resistance? Why haven't the universe grant me what seems like a pretty simple wish already?

Simply put, my life path and purpose isn't about "insert ideal living situation"

That doesn't mean that I'll never get what I want but I'm being "prepared" for something. The true goals that I set out before I was born.

Last week, when I was reading the latest book I brought "The Three Waves of Volunteers and the New Earth" I was shown a lot more then I could ever imagine a book could. The book is full of transcripts of people under hypnosis during past life regressions. These past lives are different because these people explain lives from other planets and even consoles that watch over entire galaxies including Earth. The book explains why the world is going to hell and how special souls from all around the universe have volunteered to save it. I suggest if you really want a book that will hold no punches on the light worker theme, this is it.

What I love about the book is that the three waves of volunteers are explained, and you see how the person's problems stems from deep inside, beyond just Earth. When you read the transcripts from beginning to end, you'll come out knowing a little bit more about yourself. 

This book hit me especially hard when it came down about how the new Earth is suppose to come in. I won't explain it here because I think it's better for the person to read it straight from the horses mouth. It's what people would deem "negative" and I hate linking 2012/new earth/whatever the hell is suppose to happen to negativity. Plus, I don't think it helps when people feel hopeless about the future because of how grim it sounds. The whole thing made me very emotional but that is where my greatest growth came from. It's from knowing that everything that ever happened to me, both good and bad, was completely for my benefit and future. A chance to change things for the better!

I considered the last 12 months a sure miracle, and I don't use that word often. The last 12 months have been SO INTENSE in positive and negative ways, but I gained so much wisdom because of it. Knowing how fragile life really is, how big our universe is, how so many influences run across our lives really made me put things into perspective. There are a ton of things that I truly hate (or severely dislike) about my surroundings, but in the last month or so, I can honestly say that I'm a lot happier about it.

 I'm pretty damn content, and it's not the "gratitude = abundance" logic either, I'm honesty really content. I don't expect my life to start getting perfect because of my "mindset". But, I'm very aware about how things work which is a lot more useful and a sure fire way to change my own life when its time. 

Actually being content and truly seeing how I really do have everything I need really puts a tear in my eye. I still want the things that I want, but I'm not comparing my ideal life with the one I'm currently living. Which goes into my business statement from before, yes, I want to have a successful business but the lessons, wisdom and knowledge I'm currently gaining is what's MOST important. If I did have all the success that I wanted and not learned what I did in the last month (due to all the work) I wouldn't have known what I do now. Knowledge is truly power! 

It only makes me more grateful that I don't get as many sales because I'm doing so much for myself now, and that I understand its role in my life. I'm not stomping around wondering why my life isn't working. Those feelings of really wanting success did come back today, but I cleared myself so now I'm back on track! I look around in my life and see that my happiness doesn't come from a successful business, but doing what I love, and I can say that I do a lot of things that I love. So much that I don't do anything and I get pissed about it haha! 

I guess it's all a matter of perspective because I've been on the other side of the fence before, but the only difference was my knowledge (or lack of). I am able to see what I do now because of the struggle, the wanting and everything that was going wrong. My wanting of understanding my life, and trusting the universe to give me the answers right when I needed them proves so much more worthy then any other method you can imagine! 

With that said, I feel like my "learning period" or the school of sorts will soon be over (with of course more lessons to learn after wards!) Maybe my life will take that lovely turn like you read in the testimonials of your favorite spiritual teacher. One day the person has no clue what they are doing, after they met this spiritual teacher things just start coming together lol. I always wanted that to happen to me, but it wasn't in my path (or pockets lol) to be relived of all my problems. I had to learn it myself and use it to make my own life better, and in turn I can use that method to help many others! 

So I'll end it here, a lot has been happening lately but this was only the tip of the ice berg! I just wanted to share what I learned and hopefully someone out there can take a piece of it and make their lives a little better! 

Take care all!

How I got distracted by Law Of Attraction

Download Here

Happy Monday everyone!

Here is the new podcast for this week! It talks about how LOA is presented to solve all of our problems when in fact it doesn't. Struggle and hardship is there for our benefit when it's needed, while the needless struggle can be avoided. Learning to be a better person makes the law of attraction work, not exactly the stuff that we can gain from it.