Have you ever had trouble speaking your truth? Did you ever
had to chew down your words, hide your opinion or not share what's really on
your mind? And this isn't just about "how you feel about something"
but how you feel about yourself, your own truth and wisdom about something that
you may be going though. Maybe you feel that the people around you won't get
it, people will think you're crazy or even get a negative response from others
about your own feelings.
Maybe it's not about what other people think that scares us,
but what we think about ourselves about speaking our truth.
We often place the
blame for others that "we can't speak our truth" when it's ourselves
that don't let us speak our own truth.
Since overhauling my life and discovering more and more
about myself in all ways, my need and desire to speak my own truth have become
a blessing and a challenge. Accepting who I am as a soul and spirit has been
the hardest challenge I had to face on my own, simply because I don't let
myself fully believe.
When I say that, I go "Of course I believe!" but
do I really? All the wonderful things that the angels said about me and the
beautiful picture of grace that I felt for myself, is that truly who I am, or
something I simply want to put faith in? What will other's think about these
stories, this magical journey (laced with frustration and struggle) and life
that I keep from others? As much as I want to share them, my inner child wants
them hidden, out of fear from both sides of the field. From both being
ridiculed and falling in love with the magic she fears that might not be true.
I often wonder what people will think, but it's not about
what people think but what I think. I want to go bat shit crazy with my ideas,
concepts and creativity only to be halted by my own fears.
Fear has it positive uses, I know that, but I'm using fear
as an excuse to not be who I am fully. To hide myself again from my own beauty,
something that the angels never kept from me. If I was half as bold as them I
would probably be on T.V because of the insane stuff I would share, but I
don't, out of fear and I have to break that cycle.
My journey have taken me to places in myself that I couldn't
imagine going. Day after day more and more of myself becomes unveiled to me,
making me a stronger more confident person. I get a bigger glimpse of my
purpose and why my life has been the way it has. And then of course, I ask the
tougher questions. My past life, not on earth but in divinity. Where does that
tie in? Who was I before I came down here? Why did I decide to leave, really?
The books, information and articles I read makes sense, but I'm always left with
more questions because I want to know my own personal reasons and how they are
tied to the various things I was shown.
I probably know a lot more about my spiritual self then a
lot of other folks that are looking for it, and I should be thankful I have such
heavy ties with my heavenly and cosmic bothers and sisters. I can't help but to
know who I am fully, the pieces I was shown are awesome in nature but always
leads me to more questions.
Did I come from heaven, am I an incarnated angel, fairy or
goddess? Did I directly come from source then placed in a body? How does that
tie into being a crystal child? What was my duties before I came here? How
exactly am I suppose to change the world? So many questions with so many pieces
that leads to even more questions.
What am I suppose to do with this information? Share it?
What happens if I do? What will people think? Will I scare off people? How will
this effect me and my personal life?
Those are the core questions that comes up to me daily when
I think about "expressing who I really am"...
All in all however, no matter who or what happens in my
path... It's up to ME to fully believe in what I'm shown and do something with
it. I can say that just knowing what I'm shown isn't enough. It just doesn't
feel right "hiding" it as opposed to "not sharing it". I know
the difference, and it's between truly not caring what other people think and
being afraid of outside opinions.
Today (5/19/2012) I decided to do an aura reading (that I'm
now calling "The Crystal Code" I'll explain in a later post) where I
asked about my clarification and what it "really" is. Honestly, I
don't think it's clarification but a different kind of power that I can use as
clarification so I was curious about the true nature of my power.
I was given an immense journey about my angelic roots, my
duties and the reasons why I came here. Everything was so unbelievable that I
didn't know what to think, but in the back of my mind it all made complete
sense. It ties into everything I've been shown and only shined a brighter light
on my purpose and the reasons for being here.
The reading itself came to be 4 pages so I'll post it on
it's stand alone post, though it probably would make less sense to the outside
because I never explained my other stories about "who I truly am". In
any event, it just shows more that I'm here to share something and not hide it,
to show my true colors not dull them and to be a way shower for others.
It's becoming clearer and clearer that the more I run away
from myself the more backlash I'm going to feel because I do crave to expresses
those wonderful things. That being my superself means being all of me and not
just the parts people will like. I have to take risks because without them how
can I truly be an inspiration to anyone? Playing it safe in this world does
nothing but make life boring, but taking action on what you love and know makes
things interesting, different and alive. I want to be that, not a complete hermit that's too afraid to
come out and shine.
No matter who or what is said about me, I have to realize
that it's not about them, it's about me and it's always has been. I just
thought it was about other people because I wasn't only afraid what other
people might think, but what I felt about it, or if it was even true.
No one wants to be made fun of or to look like a fool. But
most history changing people went through that and they didn't for a second give
up on what they believed in, even when things got physical. So why do I choose
to stay in the dark when so many others lit the path for me?
I know the reason and I'm going to do my best to stop that
excuse, because when the rubber meets the road my purpose is solely depended on
how much of myself I choose to share. Even if I tell myself it's not, it is,
hands down. I let myself fail and be less then I chose to be for long enough.
My destiny isn't in the hands of others but in my own. And I
have to remember that.
Till next time
♥♥♥ Inner Child, The Divine Whisperer ♥♥♥
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